Thursday, July 15, 2010
My parents' dog Chica died while we were in Spokane. This triggered a flood of worries in Gabriel. What if everyone in Charlotte dies while we are gone? Will I see Chica in heaven? What if I go to heaven before you and I am there without you? Will Jesus know my name?
I sat on the couch and asked question after question while I tried to be honest and comforting at the same time. His brow was furrowed, his mouth was turned down in a perfect frown and his eyes were wet. His fears were coming from deep within and this definitely wasn't the first time he had thought about it.
Gabe is constantly seeking reassurance from us.
He tells us that he doesn't want to get baptized when he turns 8. I think it is a fear of the unknown mixed with a fear of "receiving the Holy Ghost." Very scary sounding. A lot of his cousins are getting baptized soon, including his cousin Santi, who lives very close to us, and Gabe recently asked me if we will still see Santi after he gets baptized. Not sure what he had going on in his head about that.
Happily not all his deep thought are so brooding.
If you ask Gabe what he wants to be when he grows up, he simply says, "A dad." If you press and ask him what job he wants, he says he just wants to be a dad.
He says he wants me to have a girl next because "they are so cute when they are tiny."
Gabe kept asking me last week, "When will I be bigger than Colin?" I kept explaining that he will never be older than Colin but he might grow taller than him someday, like Uncle Bryce is taller than Uncle Bobby. He got his crinkly-eyed smile at the thought of that.
Tonight I sat with him and Colin in the living room for an hour after Ollie went to sleep, just talking. Colin sprawled out all over me like he does with everyone he loves, and Gabe sat close to me like he only does with me, and we just chatted and chatted.
When I was shuffling them to bed, Gabe asked me if Colin had been good today. I said he had, and Gabe patted Colin on the head and said, "Good Colin." Then I gave them a little lecture about how lucky they are to have each other and how I hoped they would always protect each other and stick up for each other. I told them to say, "I love you" to each other. They hugged, bumping roughly into each other and Colin said in a goofy voice, "I WUV EWE" and Gabe let out a string of giggles and said it just as goofy back.
Several times today Gabe has just stopped, looked me sweetly in the eyes, and hugged me. This evening was a culmination of that.
It was lovely enough to fill up my "I love being a mom" jar enough to last me through many days of Wii tantrums and summer tattle-telling.
(Did you know that tattle-telling increases by 120% during the summer? So does "accidental" hitting).