Families - more than important

God started it all with a family - Adam and Eve.

He gave the Abrahamic covenant to a family.

Exaltation is only possible as a family.

I don't know all the reasons why God accomplishes so much of His work through the family unit, but I can make some educated guesses. 

When families are functioning as they should, they're where we first learn to trust. Our hunger is met when we cry out. We are warmed and comforted. And what is beautiful about these moments of connection is that our parents are learning valuable lessons of trust right alongside us. Their capacity to care and protect expands. Their discipline is sharpened as they stay awake through feedings, and their self-focus diminishes as they intensely administer to someone else's every need through every hour of the day. 

Most of the gospel learning that we do for the rest of our lives will look very similar to the basic care that we experience both as children and parents. We learn to trust in Heavenly Parents. We experience their love for us as they tenderly care for us. Then we learn how to use that love to look outside of ourselves and care for others. Every part of the gospel points back to those two types of love.

This is true through the work of the Abrahamic covenant, through our marriage covenants, in our callings, and in every interaction with our neighbors. Trust and love - towards God, and towards each other - are key.  We need each other. 

Right now

 I am home alone.

Chad is on his way to our rental property in North Myrtle Beach. It's a warm weekend, so they are getting away for fun and a little bit of work that needs to be done on the house.

Colin (who doesn't live here, of course) is getting ready to host a regional mock trial competition at UNC Charlotte. He is the club president and in charge of the whole thing, so I imagine his stress level is high at the moment. He won't be competing, but he did compete somewhere in Kentucky last week.

Gabe (who also doesn't live it home) is doing.... who knows what? But he came to visit Isla (his girlfriend) last weekend and hung out with us on Sunday. I got to chat with him and cut his hair.

Oliver is at work at Sam's Car Wash. He has to work tomorrow, as well - which is why he (and I) needed to stay home.

Elysee is at drama rehearsal for Sherk Jr, which opens next week. I had it mixed up in my head that she didn't have rehearsal toady, so I kept waiting for her to get off the bus. I finally called her and she said, "Um, mom, I'm at rehearsal." Because of rehearsal and babysitting job tomorrow evening, she stayed home.

Carina is with Chad, probably watching Mean Girls on her Kindle, and looking forward to Panda Express. Same for Simone, only with a different show.  

Me... I am working on homework, just not at the moment. I have these vague thoughts about possibly going to grad school sometime in the future, but I also don't feel like doing my homework, so.... who knows? I just fed the dogs, who are extra barky because they keep watching for the kids to get home. Cici is also here. 

The Plan of Salvation

 Written for a class, but still sincere:

The aspect of the Plan of Salvation that I am most grateful is the idea that this life is a chance to

learn and grow, and that through that experience, we can understand for ourselves why good is

good and why evil is evil.

Our Father in heaven wants us to not only learn to comply with His plan, He wants us to

understand why His plan is what’s best. He lets us learn that through our own experience.

When we make choices that hurt us and the people around use, we feel pain and see the

consequences of our choices and understand better why sin is considered sin. When we focus

on things that aren’t important, and consequently feel ourselves losing perspective or being

overwhelmed by worldly concerns, we understand why we want to stay close to God. We

understand that He has given us ways to do that, and we want to honor His commandments

and covenants. God lets us learn for ourselves because that kind of wisdom is important for His

Heirs. We will have the chance to be like Him.

It's precious to me to understand that sin and transgressions were a part of His plan because it

gives me the strength and hope I need to keep going. I can take the lessons I learn, repent, and

become even stronger. The most beautiful thing about that is that each time I do so, I love God

and Jesus Christ even more.

 

My Religious Journey

Written for a class

by Katie Lynn Jeppson Coleman

January 17, 2025

            I was born to parents who believed that God was real, that He still spoke to men and women on earth. My father, Robert Charles Jeppson, Sr., was born to parents who also believed. My mother, Linda Sue Parkins, was taught by missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when she was 13 years old, and was baptized. They raised their 8 children with family prayer, Family Home Evening, three hours of church every Sunday, and scripture study. I can remember the old Family Home Evening manual, with lessons and game ideas.  I remember one year when our ward was challenged to read the Book of Mormon and our family completed the challenge (though I also remember thinking we had to rush at the end). 

            One of the main lessons I can remember being taught, mainly in the context of daily living and through example, was that we had a Heavenly Father we could pray to for assistance. My parents prayed to know what to do about my dad’s career. They prayed to understand what God wanted them to do as parents.  They prayed for help when our car broke down.  They prayed when we couldn’t find something.  They prayed about their church callings. They taught us to believe that we could be guided by this loving personage, who was real and who knew far more than we did.

            Most of my earliest prayers were infrequent and probably more like a child asking for something from a vending machine.  I can remember praying for help before I danced in competitions, and praying for help that God would help the audience feel the Spirit when I danced, but I’m not sure when the second part of that prayer started. It was probably by 5^th grade, when I danced to the Janice Kapp Perry song, “My Nature is Divine.” I definitely prayed for help as a child in finding things, because I have always been forgetful and naturally disorganized. 

            When I was young, I can remember a lot of talk about gaining a testimony, and I think I thought of it as some kind of singular event that would happen all at once, and then I would have “A Testimony” and never lose it. I can picture myself at a particular missionary farewell, in church, feeling the Spirit, and wondering if I had a testimony now. 

One of my most poignant experiences with the Spirit occurred when I was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting about the Savior. I must have been around 13.  We didn’t have the internet back then, so any relevant quotes about our topics needed to come from the scriptures or other gospel-related books. I decided that I was going to sincerely think about the topic and ask God for help in writing my talk. Of course I shared a room with my sisters, and there weren’t many quiet places to think or write in our house. After everyone else went to bed, I lit a candle in my room, and I prayed and wrote by candlelight. I felt guided in organizing my thoughts, in knowing what to write, and I felt the Spirit telling me that what I was writing was true.  When I gave the talk the next day, I felt the same feelings, and I could tell that the congregation did as well. I had many people share with me that it touched them, and my dad wrote me a note telling me how proud he was of me.  This experience was one of the first of many I had where a desire for action was tied to the gift of the Holy Ghost. I wanted sincerely to write and share truth with others, and the Holy Ghost helped me to know what to do. Even though I didn’t recognize that pattern at the time, it is one that has shown up in my life over and over again.

Another pattern of feeling God’s presence in my life that I have recognized has been when I needed comfort or reassurance about who I am.  Around the same period of time, I felt the degrading influence of the world talking to me about my worth as a female, tying it to my weight.  I had been a ballet dancer since I was 6, and it was a large part of my identity. Ballet dancers are supposed to be very lean, without curves. As I went through puberty, curves came, and for the first time, I started to wonder if I should eat to fullness. This was heightened one day when my dance teacher talked about how she needed to lose five pounds, and told us her weight. I was already heavier than her, and I was only a teenager. I decided to stop eating so much. But every time I decided that, I would get really hungry and then eat, and I would feel ashamed.  Once, I made myself throw up what I had eaten. Later, when it happened again, I went into the bathroom with the plan to throw up. But instead, I fell to my knees and prayed. God told me that it was the adversary making me feel that way – that those feelings were not from Him and that He loved me.  Even though I battled with feelings of insecurity about my body many times after that, I never forced myself to throw up again, and I always remembered that those degrading feelings came from the enemy. I was determined not to listen to him more than I listened to God about who I was.

Recognizing those two patterns has shaped my life. I have gone long periods of time where I wasn’t completely tied to God in thought and action, but I have still had countless experiences where God has helped me know what to do, and when He has told me who I am.

Closely tied to my experiences with the Spirit has been my desire to live His commandments. My parents (and I would say the church as a whole), emphasized the phrase “Choose the Right” over and over again when I was growing up.  Even though I had plenty of rebellious periods (like a severe potty mouth at school in sixth grade), I did have a desire to do what was right.  The problem was, many times, to me, that meant following a list of outward rules that everyone could see – like modesty, not swearing, not dating before 16, not watching R-rated movies, not drinking caffeine, etc, - and many times that left out some important rules like being kind and loving to others.  By eighth grade, I was determined to live righteously in an outward sense, but I was still gossiping. I was still very unkind to some of the girls my age when I was trying to be funny.  This duality would go on through high school, though I do know there were a few instances where I stood up for others when others were being unkind. I also know that I harshly judged my friends who were going to drinking parties in the desert and wearing clothes that I considered immodest. 

I’m sure I was also influenced by my first bout of depression at age 16. Since I had recently also broken my own rules and gotten a boyfriend (Chad – who would later become my husband), some of my friends and church leaders tied that fact to my change in demeanor. I was talked about a lot behind my back, my grades fell, and my parents worried about me. My mom, ahead of her time like she often was, recognized my symptoms because she and my brother had both experienced clinical depression. She took me to therapy and to a doctor. With medication, I improved, but many of my relationships with other church members had been damaged by my self-isolation and the knowledge that, when I had been suffering, a lot of the people I trusted had been questioning my righteousness. Even my Young Women’s president took me aside and told me I was ignoring my friends in favor of a cute boy, not having any idea of what I was going through.  When I went to the stake president for my BYU application interview, he pressed me heavily on the fact that I had had a boyfriend (who was now on a mission), questioning me about whether I was truly chaste. I barely knew him, and I felt both shame and indignation.  Looking back, I can see why being kind to others wasn’t always tied to righteousness in my head. Rules and appearances were heavily emphasized in church culture at the time.

In college, at BYU, I started to question my own rules of strictness a bit. I drank Dr. Pepper for the first time (gasp). I had discussions with a friend about many of the tough parts of LDS history, like polygamy and the priesthood ban.  I also struggled with my mental health again.  Even though I often went to God in prayer for help, I let my testimony float along for several years.  As I became less self-righteous, I also became less certain about everything. Basically, I had to leave my simpler ideas of faith and righteousness behind, and I had not yet accepted a more nuanced faith.

I married in the temple to that high school boyfriend. I didn’t realize how much I was still struggling, mentally, but I found it hard to do some basic things, like drive across town, look for jobs, talk to people, and go to Relief Society, not to mention the things that other people couldn’t see, like clean my house. I would often find reasons to go home after sacrament meeting and to avoid others. I hid it pretty well from most people, but I was basically just letting life carry me along.

I was also still talking to that friend from college, who dove deeper and deeper into the issues of the church. They decided to leave - not just our religion, but all religion and belief in God – and announced that decision to me over instant messenger. I was determined to always treat them the same and was sympathetic to them. I had left the issues we had talked about in the darkest recesses of my brain, but this friend’s decision pushed me to ask myself if I would also eventually leave. Did I believe that Joseph Smith had truly seen God and translated the Book of Mormon? Did I truly believe that God knew me? No matter how much I thought about it, I came to the same conclusion: I could not deny that I believed. I did.

So why wasn’t I doing more about it? I had allowed myself to be ambivalent towards the gospel, but I couldn’t really allow that anymore. 

Another experience also influenced my commitment to God. We had our first child, Colin.  My mother came to help us care for him. It was very difficult at first. He had severe jaundice, so they gave us a little phototherapy bed to lower his bilirubin levels. He had to sleep there with a mask on to protect his eyes. One of us had to be watching him at all times, so that he wouldn’t pull the mask off and so that he wouldn’t overheat.  In my exhaustion, I was incredibly anxious, and often insisted on being the one who stayed with him, which led to further exhaustion. Colin would get his heel pricked to draw and test his blood almost daily. His bilirubin levels kept dropping, so we were able to have him sleep in the bed less often. But he became very fussy.  None of us could soothe him, not even my very experienced mother.  When we did manage to get him to sleep and put him in his bassinet, he would wake up quickly and cry again. His bilirubin levels also kept raising again, threatening his brain development and requiring daily trips to the Dr., and a subsequent return to the bilirubin treatments. Even the Dr. was baffled about what was going on.

Dealing with all of this while learning to breastfeed and adjusting to being completely tied down all day every day was very stressful. One night, I asked my husband for a blessing so I could know how to help Colin. I can’t remember the blessing at all, but immediately a directive came into my thoughts, clearer than any thoughts I had had for days. I was told to breastfeed Colin every hour-and-a-half, and that that hour-and-a-half should be timed from the beginning of the feeding. I should do this 24 hours a day, even waking him when he was sleeping.  So, often, I would feed Colin for 45 minutes and then need to start again 45 minutes later. It worked perfectly. He became the calmest baby. Even though I was still exhausted, my baby was okay, so I also was. Colin was eventually diagnosed with a rare type of jaundice, which lasted through his first month of life, but there were not lasting affects to his brain.  I knew without a doubt that God had told me what to do to help Colin. My confidence as both a mother and a daughter of God grew by leaps and bounds.  I turned to God more and more often, and I felt invigorated by my job of caring for Colin. 

My commitment to God and His gospel has remained since then this period. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had moments, days, and seasons of being less committed to God. I have.  I have still had periods where I haven’t opened my scriptures for far too long. I have neglected my relationship with God at times.  I haven’t always been diligent about going to the temple.  I have also still struggled with depression and anxiety, as well, which complicates things. I have had to learn that one of the indications that I am struggling with depression again is when I am doing what I am supposed to but still don’t feel the Spirit.  I have had to separate my ideas of worthiness from my very real and physical struggles with mental health. 

I have still had crises of faith, when I have again faced hard issues, and I have asked myself, “Do I really believe?”. Sometimes, the answer is that, at that moment, I choose to believe, based on all my past experiences.  I have had even more profound experiences with God lifting me up and telling me who I am, and in those moments, I feel like I will never doubt again. But that is not how life works, especially when you struggle with depression, anxiety, and ADHD.  That isn’t how life works when you are surrounded by different ideas, issues, and questions that you can barely wrap your brain around. My faith has gone through many high periods of strength and simplicity, followed by periods of complexity and adjustment. I have learned to understand that that is normal.  I don’t just blindly accept every issue of the gospel, its history, and the imperfection of our leaders. But I also understand that I can’t blind myself to what I do know or what I have experienced and throw all of that away every time I run into something difficult. I wouldn’t be honest if I did. I have also learned that not everyone is as sincere with their gospel discussions as they would have you believe. I try really hard not to be that way. I try really hard to be humble enough to not suppose I have ever attained some height of knowledge and wisdom that makes it so I can see things as clearly as God, or more clearly than His ordained leaders.

Another adjustment that I have made (and I have seen the church as a whole make in my lifetime), is a greater focus on Jesus Christ and His atonement.  The faith of my childhood stood more on my Heavenly Father and my relationship with Him. But God demonstrated His love for us through His Son. He wants us to experience His love through Jesus Christ, and I have learned to do that as an adult. I have learned that His atonement isn’t just there for the big sins.  When I rely on Jesus Christ, by approaching Him with a broken heart and contrite spirit, I am continually sanctified.  I try to bring my sorrows and my sins to Him when I take the sacrament and when I pray. No matter how broad or grand my perspective of the gospel becomes, I am lost without that relationship. I am always at my happiest, most peaceful, most loving, and healthiest state when I am relying on Jesus and turning to Him over and over again. 

I keep the commandments now not because I want to prove my righteousness, but because I love Christ and trust Him, and because not keeping His commandments is a betrayal to both Him and myself. I want to remain close to Him – having His influence, mercy, compassion, and perspective – and honoring His laws is one way to do that.

How I treat others is just as closely tied to my love for Him. I want to be like Him – always seeing others as incredible souls with divine potential. I want to not hurt people, not lessen His light in their lives.  That kind of love is entirely up to me. It can’t be lessened by others’ actions or decisions. I am responsible for how I feel towards others, no matter how they treat me or what they believe.  There is great power in this kind of charity.

My callings in the church have allowed me to experience Christ’s mercy and compassion over and over again, not just towards myself, but towards others. Like I have mentioned, I have faced depression, anxiety, and ADHD, which all affect my executive functioning and my ability to fulfill my callings. I can see how poorly I served as a primary secretary right after having Gabe, when I was adjusting to life with two kids. But as I have continued to try, and to care, relying on the Holy Ghost, God has given me strength and ability. I have served imperfectly as an activity day leader, a Primary counselor multiple times, stake Primary counselor and president, Young Women’s counselor multiple times, Primary music leader, seminary teacher, and Relief Society president.  I felt overwhelmed many times when called, and honestly never ever expected to be called as Relief Society president because of my struggles with executive functioning, but I have trusted God to help me do His work. I hope that I have been able to point others to their Savior through my church service. 

I have also felt His power and influence when giving talks or teaching. I have felt His guidance as He tells me what to write and share. I have felt the Spirit while teaching, and I have had countless people tell me that what I shared truly mattered to them. I write this down not to boast, but as a record that God works through weak people. I am one of those weak people. I am grateful that He has used me as in instrument in His work – it is a testament to me of His power.

I mentioned earlier that I have seen a pattern of receiving answers when I have asked what action to take to help others. Nowhere has this pattern shown up more than my familial relationships. Starting with Colin’s breastfeeding schedule, God has given me His wisdom in order to help my kids so many times that I can’t record them all here. He has told me when to take kids to the Dr, what kind of reading help to get them, what to say to them when they are struggling, when to shut my mouth, and when to sit back at trust His timing and ways of working with them.  Any lasting good I have done as a mother has been because of His influence and power in my life. 

The same is true for my relationship with my husband, Chad. Starting with our friendship in high school, when God kept prompting me to befriend the new kid at school, God has always given me inspiration about how to treat Chad – that is, when I humble myself and ask. I am not a perfect wife, but I am a much better one because of God’s guidance. 

Every aspect of my life – my education, my health, my home, my family, how I spend my time – has been influenced by my knowledge of God and my relationship with Him and His Son.

Class Assignment

 

●     What are some of your thoughts and feelings about the Savior, Jesus Christ?
Take some time to reflect and provide a thoughtful response, a paragraph or more.

 

My understanding of Jesus Christ is most poignant and thorough when I am actively using His atonement in my life. I have spent years studying His works and His example, and I understand Him in intellectual sense. That understanding is very powerful in so many ways – for example, when I have spent too much time scrolling online and I need His truth spoken to me clearly. His words and example are like a light that shines through the murky world of false and incomplete wisdom. However, I think there is understanding that extends past what my brain can fully grasp right now. I think we are all blind babies in our understanding of universal, eternal truth and will always be with our very limited, temporary brains. I think there is a vast chasm between my intellectual capacity and God’s intellectual capacity – as vast as the universe. So, even Christ’s words and example can only take me so far.

 

When I actually acknowledge how imperfect I am, how limited my understanding is, how even my good intentions can be harmful sometimes, and I turn to Christ with that acknowledgement, I can feel His power and perfect understanding wipe away all my imperfections and replace my despair with peace, hope, and charity. That is what the atonement means to me – that I can simultaneously realize that I am weak while also having the power and strength to carry on in hope. The feeling of using the atonement can’t be fully captured in words.  I feel it with my spirit – the part of me that lived with God before, lives now, and will live forever. When I turn to Christ with a “broken heart and contrite spirit,” that part of me receives the eternal light that gave me the courage to choose to come to earth, the light that gives me the love I need to carry on God’s work, and the light that tells me I will see my deceased mother again. Christ’s atonement is most real to me when I act on it, by turning to Him for help, over and over and over again.