I didn't really enjoy Christmas last year. I was stressed out already when Christmas Eve came, and after we put the toys out for the kids, I still had to finish sewing costumes for the nativity we were having on Christmas Day with all the cousins. When I finished, I went to get the camcorder out so it would be ready in the morning and found that I had no idea where it was. I am notorious for losing things, and I honestly try so hard to not to, so when I do, I get really obsessed and crazy. Which is what I did. Late at night on Christmas Eve, I became obsessed and crazy about finding the video camera, and got into a huge fight with Chad because he wasn't as nutso and stressed out as me, and that made me furious. We never did find it, and I went to bed still upset about it (as a side note, we still have no idea what happened to it - I think it might have been stolen out of our van at one point with the video of Gabe on the day he was born inside of it). Christmas morning was pleasant, but right after that I began getting the house ready for the big family dinner. I was still preparing 10 cornish game hens and a ham, plus fully decorating the tables, when everyone started to show up. The food was taking forever to cook, and I opened the oven and realized it was no longer hot inside! Some of the apricot glaze for the hens had spilled directly onto the heating coil and burned it out. My oven was broken, with food for 12 people inside. We had to pack up everything and take it over to Levi and Audra's. Everyone was, of course, incredibly helpful and patient, but by this point I was just so plum tired and frustrated. The next day, I got on an airplane with Gabe and flew to Phoenix, arriving at 12:30 am (when Chad's Aunt and Uncle graciously picked me up), to go to Aaron's wedding that day at 2 pm. Okay, so really, is it any wonder that I didn't enjoy Christmas last year? Sure, there were certain moments I enjoyed, and my trip to Phoenix was actually pretty stress-free and relaxing (compared to the days that proceeded it), but overall, I do not have fond memories of the season.
Realizing that it was my own fault that I was miserable last year, I decided that this year was going to be different. First, I did all my Christmas shopping before the month of December. I have not had to worry about gifts for weeks. Second, I am still hosting the family Christmas dinner, but we are doing it on Sunday, so that Christmas Day can be as stress-free as possible. I have been trying not to put off doing anything that can be done ahead of time.
However, I added some things to my t0-do list that didn't need to be added. I volunteered to decorate a table for the ward party, and I am making a new cheesecake recipe for the party from scratch. I also realized that I wanted to do something special for my Sunbeams, so I have spent way too much time with that. I also babysat A LOT (which is great for the pocketbook, but sure makes it harder to get out and do things) over the past week, and forgot that we volunteered forever ago to take Evan and Santi overnight for Bobby and Sabina's anniversary, which is tomorrow night. I also just finished making some more nativity costumes for this year's family dinner.
Last year, a couple of weeks before Christmas, when I was spending a lot of time working on a tap dance that someone had asked me to do in a skit for the ward party, Chad said, "Why do you do this to yourself? You don't have to do all these extra things!" and for those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that that was a big problem for me in high school and college. I did way too many things and ended up procrastinating or doing a bad job on most of them. Honestly though, I have gotten way better. I usually keep my life very simple and I rarely feel that I don't have enough hours in the day to finish what I committed to doing.
My answer to Chad at the time was, "But this is the stuff that I like doing." I spend a huge amount of my time doing nice, responsible things like washing dishes or picking up after the kids - things that are required of me that I know I will never ever enjoy. When I get to chance to actually be creative, and be "me" for awhile, it is hard to pass it up. My problem is that Christmastime brings too many of those creative opportunities. I like to make cards and write newsletters. I like to pretend like I am on Project Runway and create nativity costumes without using patterns. I like to make up silly tap dances and shock everyone in my ward, because they had no idea that I was once-upon-a-time, a total performer. I like to cook and decorate. Can't I just drop everything else instead of the fun stuff?
The amount I am doing is actually scaling back. If I thought I could handle it, I would also be making gifts for my friends, baking goodie plates for the neighbors, doing the 12 days of Christmas, making gingerbread houses (oh, I love making gingerbread houses) and decorating my house like a picture out of Martha Stewart Living.
I think I have done well. I have a lot to do over the next few days but not so much that I won't be able to just relax every once in awhile. Plus I have everything done that can possibly be done ahead of time. My Sunbeam presents are even wrapped and put in my Sunday bag. Phooey. I just remembered I needed to pick up some pictures are Walmart - the one store I am avoiding right now (what a zoo!) Maybe I will have to go there instead of Target afterall. Yuck.
I am not stressed out yet. I am enjoying the holiday season. Get back to me in a few days and I will let you know if I still feel that way.
