Hosanna

I cut a sheet up, right along one sewn edge.  After hemming one square, I left the other seven with unfinished edges, knowing that they would probably be forgotten by the evening.  I wanted them to be precious momentos, but I have been a mom for seventeen years now, so I have had some hard lessons. One (that I still sometimes deny) is that when I push for a sentimental response from my children, they are more likely to remember a disappointed mom than a present one. Because they just don't care about the same things as I do. While I was making hankerchiefs, they were thinking about what they wanted to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, rummaging through the fridge and pantry.

After laying the hankerchiefs aside, unfinished but ready, I moved onto a project that was just for me. I spent an inordinate amount of time looking for the newly purchased painters' tape, giving up on said painters', then using other painters' tape to block out a chalk-painting on my driveway that shouted, "Hosanna!". Because I am sentimental and I care about picture-picture moments, and I was going to do something to mark this holy day (even if it took all day).

When the Hosanna Shout came that afternoon, I had just finished a piece of Oliver's plotted and kneaded pizza. Simone sat next to me, yanking on her dolly's hair. Colin's hand itched to grab his phone and Chad's eyes squinted to stay open. I called Elysée and Carina in from wandering through the living room and into my bathroom and back again. They had my high heels on, smelled like they had been bathing in perfume, and looked like they had been rolling in makeup. 

I shushed and fussed and told everyone to grab their hankerchiefs. Gabe accused Elysée of grabbing his. Elysée has never met an accusation she isn't willing to fight to the grave, so I knew this conflict was not going to be solved in the brief moment we had before we needed to raise our voices together. I tossed my own hankerchief to Gabe and ran to my bathroom to grab a tissue that wasn't there. I heard the shout begin and ran back to awkwardly wave my hand in the air and pretend that it was a meaningful moment for me.

After the session was over, I went back to painting my chalk masterpiece with a Pinterest recipe that was too lumpy. I added water, then more cornstarch and more food dye and altered my plan in my head because the original simply wasn't going to happen. I looked for more cornstarch, found none, and grabbed some old potato starch. 

I thought about my kids and worried and felt no peace at all.  I prayed and asked for peace and felt the cool breeze and heard the birds.  

Nothing really changed but I kept painting and my kids left me alone. 

I thought about this old blog for some reason, and decided to revive it.

When I finally pulled the tape off my completed painting, after the second session, Colin was there. He said it was a mess, but I defended it. It wasn't what I had planned, but it was what I was capable of, with what I had on hand. I hadn't given up. It was mine and it was meaningful. 

I would take a picture in the morning and write about it. 

I laid in bed tonight after forcing the oldest two into theirs. I downloaded the Blogger app onto my phone. While typing the first few sentences of this post with faint little deet deet deets in the dark, Chad laying next to me with his earbuds in, I thought I heard a noise. 

Rain? 

Alexa and been consulted repeatedly and had insisted it wasn't possible.

I grabbed my phone to take a horrible flashy picture of my artistic offering before it streaked under the car and into the mulch.

 

Hosanna! 

Save me, sweet Savior!

Take my imperfect offerings and sanctify them.

Save me and my family from ourselves. 

Lemon Sunshine

            I picked up a pen to write what I was thankful for on a paper leaf.  It was the first Thanksgiving that my adopted daughters were there with me, instead of sitting in a foster home in Congo.  I no longer felt that old ache of absence as I quickly wrote down “My family”, but there was a new hurt.  My mom had left us earlier that year, just six weeks shy of meeting her granddaughters.  My youngest brother, the red-headed caboose of eight children, had also knelt across the altar from his strawberry-blonde bride two days ago, with his seven siblings and teary-eyed dad watching. 2016 had worn itself out with milestones.  None of us desired to make any more, so this was a happy but subdued day.

            After the turkey was eaten, we sat in the back yard on hammocks and lawn chairs enjoying the crisp North Carolina air.  We had brought our white husky-lab puppy, Lemon, because she was the great unifier in our still somewhat shaky family circle.   She chased Ava, her doggy cousin, and both children and adults stopped to watch how their first meeting would develop.  Lemon’s puppy enthusiasm was always two degrees too much. She lunged at Ava’s face, her head tucked slightly, her mouth open and then shut, her paws bouncing.  When Ava tired of running back and forth, Lemon plopped on her belly, her legs splayed to each side like a roasting turkey.  With her head tilted back and her eyes squinting, we all recognized her smiling and smiled in return.  She was adored and knew it.

            Lemon started to throw up the next day.  Then came the diarrhea and with it that smell. It had filled my nose as a ten-year-old and had taken my dog.  A trip to the vet confirmed what my nose knew.  Lemon had Parvo.  She might die. 

            My mom-guilt was overwhelming.  I had forced my four biological children to wait to get a dog until their adopted sisters came home, never knowing that a one-year pause would turn into three torturous years.  Now, just a few months in, the baby we had attached our aching hearts to might not make it because I had procrastinated getting her booster shot.  I had taken her on a walk that had exposed her to this treacherous disease.  I had let danger back into our lives when we thought we had finally escaped it.  Wrapped up in the knot in my chest was a fear that this was just one more thing in my life that wasn’t going to go how I hoped it would go.  This was one more thing that was supposed to serve as some sort of lesson to make us stronger.

            I didn’t want to be stronger.  I just wanted a break.

            We clung to each other and whispered about the very real possibility that the pet hospital might call each evening with an update that would throw our family back into turmoil.  My son walked into my room four days in, shaking and crying, saying, “What if she dies? What if Lemon DIES?” 

            I took him in my arms and guided him back to bed.  As I laid my face down next to his wet freckled cheek, I uttered the strongest prayer I could.  I knew though, from the past few years, that sometimes prayers weren’t answered the way you wanted.  Sometimes the answer was simply an admonition to stay strong.  Sometimes you asked the same question over and over again until you wondered if you would recognize an answer even if you got one. With all of these thoughts loaded onto my prayer, I squeezed him tight and told him to try to sleep.

            Back in my dark bedroom, my husband’s phone rang.  The vet gently told him that Lemon’s fever was dangerously high and there was a good chance she wouldn’t make it through the night.  I fell to my knees once more, bawling and begging.  This time, an answer came clearly.

            “Lemon will live.  Tell your kids.”

            My body relaxed. My mind became clear.  I walked back to my son, took his quaking body in my arms, and spoke confidently,

            “I prayed.  The Spirit told me that she is going to live. She is going to be okay.  She is going to be okay.”

            “Are you sure?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes.
            “Completely.” I was able to answer back. I visited each child, relaying the same message and where it came from.

            I felt relief, but not surprise, when the vet called in the morning and said in a shocked voice that Lemon had turned around.  Two days later when we went to bring Lemon home, her whimpering cries of relief and delight sounded through the hospital.

            Now Lemon crawls up onto the bed next to me every night, stretching her long legs, eyes locked onto mine as she asks for some goodnight snuggles.  As I fold my body next to hers, her satisfied sighs match my feelings of comfort. She is Noah’s rainbow – a reminder that sunshine does come after the rain. 

Who I Want to Be

In my Gospel Library app (the app I use for reading and marking my scriptures, seminary lessons, and other church-related materials), I have created a tag entitled "Who I Want to Be".  Whenever I find a scripture or quote that inspires me to be more than I am and to aspire to be the woman I picture my Heavenly Mother being, I mark it with this tag.  

2 Nephi 4:33
O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness

When I read this phrase, I picture myself peaceful and happy, wearing a swirling silky white robe.  It is white and bright because it is free from the stresses of the world. I am able to move freely in this robe, and wearing it is a constant reminder of that flowing freeness - of the neverending possibilities of my life.  It is in unconcerned with what is on trend and beautiful because it reflects the love of the giver.  My Father gave me this robe to protect me and it does.  I am careful not let the grimy dirt from the roads I walk on stain the hems.  When I spill on it, I ask my brother to wash it clean again and He does.  It can always be as bright as the day I received it.

This is who I want to be:

A woman whose concern is not on looking good for the world, but being good.
A women who embraces the commandments her Father in heaven gave her because she knows that they will make her stronger and happier.
A woman who is comfortable in her skin, every moment of every day, because she knows who she is and whose she is.
A woman who sees the eternal potential she possesses if she doesn't give her freedom up.
A woman who knows that there is power in purity.
A woman who remembers that there is someone who loved her enough to suffer all her sorrows for her. She doesn't trample on that remembrance but holds it in her heart every day.

Keepin' It Real Wednesday

Last Wednesday I went to ballet class.   I held my chest and chin up with my ballerina gaze, waltzing and pirouetting until my calves ached and my back was drenched with sweat.  For an hour and a half I was grace and determination

I went home, put the harness on Lemon, and walked her down our trail.  I left my phone at home and basked in the dark shadows and bright sunshine of the leaveless trees.  For half an hour I was strength and serenity

When we got home, Lemon napped at my feet as I cooked and did laundry.  My Mindy Gledhill station sang out from Pandora as I cooked Masaman for school lunches the next day and chow mein and spring rolls for dinner.   The clock counted the minutes until my kids would step off the bus. Everything would be ready - clothes in drawers, food on the table, mom happy to see them. For three hours I was energy and confidence

Fifteen minutes before their bus was set to arrive, a realization jolted through me.

The four youngest were not taking the bus today.  I had reminded them and sent two of their teachers notes telling them they would be car riders......

So that we could get to a music class, which started in fifteen minutes and was half an hour away......

.....AND I should have been at the school half an hour ago to pick them up - the school that was twenty minutes away.

For the rest of the night I was panic and shame.

And there is a possibility that I might be writing this Keepin' It Real Wednesday as a reminder to myself that they are car riders today

In addition to the three reminders on my phone

and the alarm that Colin set up on Alexa.

Something to Read

Every year (for the last four or five years) for Christmas we give our kids and each other four gifts.  I am sure you have seen the idea:
Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

The books are one of my favorite things to pick out.  I love to try to find a book that Colin has never read or possibly even heard about - he is a voracious reader but the kids around him are usually reading the typical books like Hunger Games and Divergent.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy books like that too, but there is just a lot more out there.  I thought I would share what I got everyone this year.

• Colin, who is 13, almost 14.

Goodbye Stranger by Rebecca Stead.

Colin has really enjoyed When You Reach Me and Liar and Spy by this same author, so when this book came out, with good reviews, I was excited to get it for him. It was a hit with him. It does involve some teenager situations, but in a cautionary way and I thought he could handle it. 

The Thing about Jellyfish by Ali Benjamin

I went out on a limb and bought this book for Colin based on the accolades it has received.  Colin is pretty open to trying new books and will usually give them a good chance before giving up on them - he has learned from experience that even if a book doesn't appeal to you right away it might be incredible.  He really enjoyed this one.  When I asked him if he thought it would be a good book to read aloud to his brothers, he said he didn't think so.  He said he wasn't sure if they would get it.

The Book of Mormon Study Guide By Shannon Foster

So, I loved this book.  I opened it up and drooled over the creativity and itched to get my hands on it.  Colin was very impressed when he saw it......getting him to use it, however, is like pulling teeth.  He doesn't like to sit and write anything while he is reading.  He is reading the Book of Mormon on his own and we are reading it as a family and I have given him the option of using it for either one.  He really doesn't.  He said he will use it next year when he reads for seminary.  We'll see. Maybe I will just snag it for myself. 

• Gabe. who is 11, and not as much of a reader.  He loves reading when he gets into a series - he went on a huge Harry Potter and Percy Jackson kick.  But he just doesn't give new books as much of a chance as Colin and would rather spend his time doing other things.

The Adventurer's Guide to Successful Escapes by Wade Albert White

Gabe hasn't started this book yet.  I just started last night as our next read-aloud book at bedtime.

Moo by Sharon Creech

I was afraid Gabe wouldn't give this a chance because it is told in a "blend of poetry and prose" but he says it is really good.  I don't think he has finished it yet though. I like this author - if you have never tried her out, I highly suggest you do!

Dude, Don't Be a Lemuel by David Bowman

Gabe has a great sense of humor so I think this title drew him in.  I am not sure if he has finished it, but during Family Home Evening he mentioned things he read in it, so...yay!

• Oliver, who is 8.  He did not really get into reading until the beginning of 2nd grade, and books like these ones helped with that.

Jedi Academy: A New Class by Jarrett J. Krosoczka

Oliver loved the other books in this series, so this was a no brainer.  It does has a different author than the first three, and has received mixed reviews. Oliver read it very quickly and enjoyed it.

Lucy and Andy Neanderthal by Jeffrey Brown

This is by the same author as the first three Jedi Academy books.  It has great reviews and I thought Oliver would like it.  He did.

Ites: An Illustrated Guide to the People in the Book of Mormon by David Butler

This is a very cool book and although Oliver doesn't really read it on his own, I have decided to use it for Family Home Evening*.  It has 52 family night lessons and activities and I have decided to just keep it simple so we are doing ALL of them this year.  I supplement the plans with coloring sheets for the girls to do while we talk, but so far it is working great!  I am more successful with FHE and family scripture study when there is less prep work involved on my end.

• Elysée.  She is 7, still learning English, and learning to read.  

Now I'm Reading: Level 1: Animal Antics

If you have ever heard of the BOB books, these are like those. I like this set because there is a sleeve for each book.  There is also a parent guide, with a sticker to book in each book as they learn to read it themselves. Elysée was very excited to receive these books - she can't wait to read - and she has already passed off the first book.

Who's You Hero? For Girls! by David Bowman

Elysée loves this book, I love this book, we all love this book.  I would highly recommend it!

• Carina, age 5.  Carina is still learning how to read but loves to be read to.

Princess in Black and the Hungry Bunny Horde by Shannon Hale and Dean Hale

The Princess in Black Takes a Vacation by Shannon Hale and Dean Hale

Carina got the first two books in this series last year for Christmas and loves them.  After she dressed up as the Princess in Black for book day at school and Shannon Hale herself commented on the picture, her love only grew.  She has been asking for these books for awhile so it was an easy pick!

Who's Your Hero: Volume 1 The Ultimate Collection by David Bowman

The heroes of the Book of Mormon. This one covers Nephi through Alma.  Just like the girl hero one, we love it.  The kids ask me to read it to them.  Not only does it cover the people, it explains doctrine. 

• Simone, age 5.  Simone is also still learning English and has not really grasped early learning skills yet.  She loves to be read to though.

Now I'm Reading! Level 1: Playful Pals

Simone loves any time I will spend with her in these books. 

Seek and Find: Book of Mormon Stories by Jason Pruett

Simone loves the pages in The Friend where you find the hidden object.  This book has proven to be a little more difficult.  You need a basic understand of what you are looking for - "The Three Witnesses", "A book in an arch" to be able to find things.  Some of this is over Simone's head. I think the book would have been a little more successful for all ages if there was a one central character to find on each page (like the Where's Waldo books), and then supplemental stories and characters to go with it. It is a fun book, though. I don't regret buying it.

Today

We didn't get the 4-8" of snow that we expected,

 but we did

bundle up and play

a lot

watch the snow fall from the window

nap
 a little

smile and laugh

make sushi

fried in wonton wrappers

watch Kung Fu Panda 3

"help" "clean" the church

end the evening at Red Robin

gift card + bday burger= yum

Merry Christmas

Dear Friends and Family,

What a year!  It has truly been one of our most eventful and emotional years as a family and we are grateful for the support we have had from you through it all.

Chad is still working with Bank of America, and we were beyond grateful for their generous paternity leave and for his supportive colleagues.  He was able to take the entire summer off when Elysée and Simone joined our family.  Having him there by my side for our incredibly intense bonding period was a blessing that I will never forget.  Chad’s humor, patience, and energy continually lifts everyone in the family.  He also teaches early morning seminary with me (a scripture study class for high schoolers, at 5:55 in the morning!) and he coached Gabe’s soccer team in the fall.

I am in the thick of motherhood and loving it.  It can be overwhelming to care for six kids with varying difficulties and challenges, but it keeps me (relatively) humble and prayerful.  With all the kids in school during the day, I have found how much I truly don’t mind being alone.  I am taking a weekly church class as well as a ballet class.  My flexibility may be shot after 17 years off, but I still have “beautiful feet” (my teacher said so!).  I have greatly enjoyed my 2016 goal of attending the temple once a month.  The hardest part of my year was the death of my wonderful mother.  While it is hard to be without her, I am relieved for her that her long battle with Primary Progressive Aphasia is over and that I will see her again in the next life, whole and healed.  

Colin is in 8th grade.  He is still learning Mandarin, as well as Spanish.  I love hearing him play the piano and his musicality is also being developed through his handbells class at school.  He was the goalie for his soccer team in the fall, a sport he greatly missed the year before.  Right now Colin is busy with rehearsals for his school’s spring production of The Lion King - he is Simba!  When he isn’t busy singing “Hakuna Matata” and doing homework, he is the perfect blend of compassionate older brother and surly, sleepy teenager.

Gabe is in 5th grade and still learning Mandarin.  His love for sports only grows every year (although the Panthers sure aren’t helping it out this year).  He played midfield on his soccer team in the fall and assisted and scored goal after goal.  His piano playing is growing by leaps and bounds and he is also advancing quickly in the recorder at school.  His goal is to finish all the requirements for music class so that he can move onto the next instrument - the ukulele.  Gabe’s subtle sense of humor and calm nature have a way of placating his younger sisters, but he is still a typical middle brother with the ability to push all the buttons that “need” pushing.

Oliver is in the 3rd grade.  He turned 8 at the end of summer, which brought about two exciting events.  The first was his baptism as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The second was his birthday gift - an adorable white Lab-husky puppy that we brought home with us from Spokane.  Her name is Lemon Sugar and she is a joy to the whole family.  Oliver loves taking her on walks and playing rough with her. They are a good pair - endless amounts of energy. Oliver also played soccer in the fall.  His favorite place to be is at home with his family, and he was the happiest boy in the world during the summer when he got a break from Mandarin.

Elysée is 7 years old.  Since she had very little schooling in the Congo and has a fall birthday, we decided to start her in kindergarten here.  She and Carina are in the same French immersion class, and her teacher tells me that Elysée is always watching out for her.  She is the perfect student - attentive and persistent, with a great advantage of already speaking French.  She played soccer this fall, where her long stride paid off with many a breakaway goal.  Elysée loves drawing, writing, and singing.  As you can imagine, it isn’t easy for for a little girl like her to leave the life she knew behind, learn a new language, and become a member of a new family, but she has amazed us with her desire to adjust and help the people around her.

Carina started kindergarten this year and if you thought her little voice was cute before, you should hear her speak French!  She could not love her sisters more.  They play from the minute they finish their homework until they are laying in their beds and told to shush over and over again.  Carina has embraced learning and, combined with her efforts to always please the adults in her life, she is an excellent student.  She loves to sing and wows us with her memorization of any and all songs - from The Living Christ to Stressed Out.  She also played soccer this year and enthusiastically ran her short little legs up and down the field.  

Simone is also 5 and in kindergarten.  She is in the other French class and her teacher tells me she is smart, persistent, very social, and….pretty darn stubborn. Of course, we knew all this. Simone loves to make the people around her laugh, and her dimples are amazing.  She was a force on the soccer field - a powerful runner with a powerful kick.  She approaches everything she does with strength and determination - whether it is riding or bike or standing up to her big brothers.

As this year closes, we are thankful for the lessons it brought, and happy it is ending on a high note.  At the end of the month we will take Simone and Elysée to the Columbia, South Carolina temple to be “sealed” to us - a ceremony that signifies our desire to be with them eternally and be the best family we can for them.  We are so grateful for this privilege ,and above all, grateful to our Savior whose atonement makes everything possible.  If you see light and beauty in our lives, please know it all comes from Him!  Merry Christmas!

With love,

Katie

Chad

Colin

Gabe

Oliver

Elysée

Carina

Simone

Our beautiful pictures were taken by Amber McDowell Photography

As a part of

Red Thread Sessions

Thank Amber - these photos are so cherished!

Keepin' It Real Wednesday

The other day I was taking the kids to school in the morning.  When they hopped out, some stuff fell out too and had to be picked up and put back in by one of the kids.  Have you ever had that happen?  Like we aren't conspicuous enough, with six kids dashing out, while I wave my arms in a circle saying "Go go go!" like a chubby drill sergeant in a dress and barefeet.*  Today when I dropped my kids off, the teacher in carpool, remarked, "Wow.  It's like a clown car.  They just keep coming."

So, I decided to clean my van out, to try to deflect a little of the embarrassment (at least the mivi-van related embarrassment.)  This was the pile of stuff that was in the van but didn't belong there, after the trash was thrown away. Amazing, I know.  I would like to highlight a few of these items. Besides the library book in the front, which has cost me at least $20 in twenty-five cents a day late fees (so worth it for the random facts Oliver can now spout when he is supposed to be doing "more important things" like homework or finding a pair of socks for school), there are a number of note-worthy items.

Note the title, and then note the teeth marks on the bottom right corner.  Lemon Sugar does not approve.

See these comforters?  They were left at my Dad's house in JUNE during a cousin sleepover.  They were just retrieved last week.  What have Gabe and Oliver been using for blankets in the meantime? I dunno, dirty towels or something.  Who knows. 

And one of my favorites.  An RC car that has been broken for YEARS.  The perfect toy to bring in the van. 

Not noted:

Dozens of markers and broken pencils

Every scrap of paper used at church

Church shoes

Amazon packages that were supposed to be returned

A neck pillow that was brought for relief on a strenuous 2 hr drive across the border to Virginia 

Safi and Sifa come home!

June 8, 2016.  After over three years of waiting, we finally went to the airport to greet our daughters Sifa and Safi.  

A day of the greatest joy imaginable but also fear and anxiety. I look at these pictures and I see it all and I grieve for Safi and Sifa.  It is a very hard thing for a five and six year old to leave the only life they know and join a already-made family who doesn't even speak their language.  Can you imagine asking your child to do that? It is heartbreaking, and you can see it on their faces in these pictures. 

 I debated in my mind for a long time about whether to invite other people to the airport.  I knew it would be overwhelming for the girls no matter what, so I decided to go for it.  I wanted them to be able to look back on these pictures and see a tiny portion of the people who prayed for them and celebrated with us.

I  felt like I was going to pass-out or throw-up at this point.I had to keep reminding myself to breathe.  I felt so happy they were home but so sad for them and so scared about helping them through it. Add in three years of off-the-chart stress and the lingering sadness of my mom's death six weeks before this, and my body was a mess.

Oh, Sifa.  I can barely recognize you here.  I am so glad we know each other better now. You tried to put those gold shoes on last week and could not for the life of you squeeze into them.

Coming home to find our home had been secretly decorated buoyed me up more than I could ever describe.  I knew it had been done by some women who had prayed long and hard for us.

It was a day none of us will ever forget.  We talk about it often with Simone and Safi.  They laugh at how much Sifa (Simone) hated me then. I am glad we are were we are and I know time will only bond us closer.