Wednesday, June 18, 2008

With every kick

I woke up this morning with a familiar feeling. I couldn't seem to catch my breath and my legs felt jumpy and achy. I have found that in the last couple of months, whenever I sleep poorly the night before, I feel this way when I wake up. It was a strange connection to make - not enough sleep = not breathing well, so it took me awhile to figure it out. Last night, Gabe woke up crying my name on two different occasions (for no apparent reason) and while he was calmed easily the first time, the second time I gave up and took him into my room. Chad slept soundly through it all and only vaguely remembers Gabe scooting into his back so he could share Daddy's pillow (as instructed to by Mommy, which Chad doesn't remember :o) Of course Gabe fell back asleep more easily than I did, so while he awoke with a smile on his face, I found myself struggling down the stairs (yeah *struggling*, so imagine how much I struggle up them) to fix some bowls of cereal.

If Chad had been in his office, I probably wouldn't have mentioned my weariness at all. He was working from home though, so I felt the need to explain why I was going to lie on the couch and veg out for awhile to catch my breathe. I hate doing that. I am sick of hearing myself talk about pregnancy symptoms, and talking about them yet again made me feel like the old woman in Anne of Avonlea (the movie) who demands the curtains and windows remain tight and gasps with every breath. Just get me a wet washcloth and prop my feet up darling, and I will be fine. Oh, and after you finish running those reports for work, would you mind washing the dishes and cleaning the toy room again?

Yeah, so I try and keep the complaining to a minimum, which is still A LOT. I sure hope that since this is my third time around and it has remained relatively uneventful, I haven't been too whiny or obsessed.

Obsessed is hard not to be when you are 31 weeks pregnant. You are always physically aware of being pregnant, with the kicks in the ribs, and the weird, smelly sweating. If you are like me, you are also constantly making mental notes about what needs to be done before the baby arrives. My lists are full of tasks that I really don't feel like doing but am obsessive about getting done, so I usually sit Chad down and demand that we divide them up, secretly hoping he will take on the majority of them to ease my ever-blooming anxiety. Most of my thoughts during the day are related to getting things done in the next two months, and being prepared for how things are going to change after that big day. Understandable, right?

Also understandable is that my husband's thoughts are not centered on the before and after of the EDD. He hasn't experienced nausea, back pain, shortness of breath, extra trips to the bathroom, and a growing waistline. He has no constant reminders, expect my complaints, which, for the record, he has never shown an impatience with. He will get gooey-eyed over a new baby and bring up his excitement over ours, but for now, his focus is essentially the same - work, spending time with the two boys we already have, and tons of projects around the house. Understandable, right?

I don't think I got that during my first pregnancy. I remember being a little peeved and hurt that he wasn't as obsessed as me. But now I am sick of it all myself.

Not long ago I was reading Anne of Ingleside, and when Anne is expecting Rilla, her seventh child, the author only subtly hints at it. Kinda like - Anne is looking forward to what the summer will bring her and has to take it easy. From what I can gather from the books, women back then were not really expected to do much while they were pregnant. Well, at least middle-class ones who had hired help, which of course, is exactly what I would have been, right? I picture me as Anne, Chad as Gilbert, and a jolly hired woman who does all the difficult cooking and worships the ground I walk on, so I can be left to mothering my children and flowers.

I am sure that most women today do not want to be put on a shelf while they are pregnant. Maybe they would go crazy if their responsibilities were taken away from them. On mornings like today though, it is my dream. Just an outright acknowledgement by all involved that I feel like crap on many a day - no one expecting anything out of me expect hand-sewing some rompers and knitting some booties. Chad wouldn't have to hear my complaining because I would never feel the need to explain myself, and I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore about basing my menus on what is easiest instead of what is most nutritious. Wouldn't it be a lot simpler if I were really Anne?


Ash said...

I've felt like crap all day (not pregnant though) and have been hiding out in the bedroom since about noon. Roy took the kids out for a while, brought them home and we all hung out in the bedroom again and then I kicked them out and Roy took them out again and then came home and fed them dinner. He only once called for my help, when Blaise had a crazy explosive diaper (maybe we have some sort of bug) Anyway, my point is that it was nice to escape all of my duties today, but Roy wasn't able to get much done because the kids were antsy and stuff, so tomorrow I'll have to work extra hard to make up for today. I'm looking forward to having another kid, but not to the pregnancy! Wow, random comment, not even sure if I want to publish it.

Kari said...

Yesterday TJ mentioned being nauseated from his flight home from Phoenix, and I said, "Now you know what it's like to be pregnant."

And, I kid you not, the man said, "What? You feel sick when you're pregnant?"

He had truly forgotten every bit of morning sickness I had ever griped about.

So my advice, Katie, is to complain all you want--Chad will either ignore or forget all the unpleasantness!

Christie said...

It's actually good to hear you complaim. I feel like such a wimp when I'm pregnant. It drains me so completely from beginning to end...not to mention the constant nausea and heartburn. I feel like it completely steals my life away. I get so jealous of women who love being pregnant and go about their lives like normal.

Mom said...

The good news is that you will forget all about the bad stuff of pregancy when your kids are teenagers, because THAT is worse!!

Katie said...

Ashley - I hope you are feeling better.

Kari - okay, that is hilarious, but in a scary way. TJ!!!!!!!!!!!

Christie - I just don't get it when women love being pregnant, and like I said, my pregnancies aren't even that bad. I just want to feel normal again.

Mom - maybe since I only have boys, the teenager years won't be too bad? Am I kidding myself? :o)

Meredith said...

i wish leah could read your blog! she is surprised that she doesnt feel well---she is now at 20 weeks...i try to remind her that she isnt sick---she is pregnant---symptoms may the same---but you get a much better reward!